Dancing with the Fireflies
by Maria from Ravenclaw
Summary: "In that moment, everything they had seemed impossibly fragile; their relationship was feeble and insignificant before the great war that threatened to turn it to dust." Spending the last day of summer with Lily, Severus reflects on Light and Dark.


_AN: Written for:  
The Eurovision Challenge - Romania - something unlikely happening;  
The Birthday Bash Exchange - Lily/Snape and the quote below (which I'm not even sure I interpreted correctly) - my giftee was myfoodisnotshared.  
Word count: 1,169_

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Dancing with the Fireflies

_"I am hitting my head against the walls, but the walls are giving way" – Gustav Mahler_

The summer of 1975 had about twenty more days to warm England, and yet the bright oranges and yellows of that particular sunset had a final air about them. Perhaps the biggest of stars announced the end of the holidays, and wished students good luck in the coming school year – both would-be harmless intentions, had there not been something vaguely ominous in the way the sky caught fire.

Severus had his sinister musing interrupted by the startling surprise that was Lily's hand coming to rest on his, slowly tracing patterns on it. The alarming acceleration of his heart rate brought his mind away from the shadows and the setting sun was suddenly a gift, as Lily looked even more breath-taking framed by the golden halo it painted on her outline.

Her fingers moved absent-mindedly as she gazed into the horizon, lost in her own thoughts, and Severus took the opportunity to admire her sparkling eyes. Their jewel-green made the vivid foliage around them look dull and faded; no other creation of nature could compare to Lily Evans: she was nature's masterpiece.

Then she caught him staring and gave him a shy smile that made him forget to breathe for a second. She quit stroking his hand and held it firmly instead. The gesture was reciprocated, not without a big dose of nervousness.

"Sometimes I wish we didn't have to go back, you know," said Lily, breaking the long silence.

A few years ago, Severus would have found such a statement outrageous, for the wizarding world was infinitely better than the Muggle one, and even with all the animosity he inspired in his fellow students, nothing was more wonderful than learning magic at Hogwarts. Back then, school had been his escape from his parents' unbearable fighting and from the loneliness of his Muggle life.

Now, however, he completely empathised with Lily's words. Away from Hogwarts there was no Light or Dark side, no bickering between him and Lily, no infuriating James Potter and no James Potter's minions – nothing but Sev and Lily, the best of friends. Summer was their secret getaway.

"So do I," replied Severus and, extremely surprised with himself, added "I wish we were Muggles."

Lily grinned incredulously. "Oh, Sev, don't be silly, magic is wonderful!" she said.

Not more wonderful than you, he thought.

"But Muggles don't really have to... pick sides, right?" said Lily with a hint of sadness.

The sun was very low now, and the sky a deep red. The warm breeze blew somewhat cooler as night drew nearer. Severus shuddered. The end of the day seemed to pressure him to take action while he still could.

"I just don't want to lose you," he said before he knew what he was doing, influenced by the eeriness of it all.

His voice showed a vulnerability not even Lily had ever seen in him. A wave of guilt swallowed her like a tsunami, and for an instant she regretted all the times she had argued with Severus about his choice of company and his meddling with the Dark Arts. That instant quickly passed. Lily had never intended to put such a strain on their friendship, but she had Severus's best interests at heart. She would not let him hand his life for You-Know-Who to destroy.

"You won't lose me," she said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "We're best friends, remember?"

He gave her a weak smile.

"But Sev," her tone was very serious, "I won't give up on you. I know you think Dumbledore–"

"To Dumbledore I'm no more than a lost cause," said Severus darkly, letting go of Lily's hand and standing up with his back to her.

Lily sighed. "That's not true, Sev, he just–"

"He just thinks I'm not good enough to fight on his side," he replied through gritted teeth.

"Sev, if only you would–"

"He _pities_ me, Lily!" Severus yelled with much more anger that what was prudent. "I will not crawl at his feet and beg him to take me!"

Lily got up, her bare feet touching the grass, and spun him around so their faced each other. Severus was panting slightly.

"Sev..." she said in a small voice. "Can we wait until we're back to school to start arguing again?"

It broke his heart to see her begging like that, so he took a deep breath and nodded.

Lily knew they were only delaying the inevitable, but she could not bear to fight right then. She _hated_ fighting with Sev, she really did, and although she knew she had to try and persuade him, sometimes she wondered if it was worth it. With every argument both of them seemed to grow even more stubborn, and the pain they felt doubled. Argh, what was she thinking, just a minute ago she had promised not to give up! But what if it cost her...? No.

The sun had sunk completely. Red had turned to purple and the breeze toyed with Lily's skirt.

She took a step forward and wrapped her arms tightly around Severus, as if to make sure he would not go away. He tensed at the unexpected contact, but eventually gave in to Lily's overwhelming, comforting warmth and placed a pair of tentative hands on her back.

"I don't wanna lose you either, Sev," she whispered and buried her head in his shoulder, dropping a couple of discreet tears.

In that moment, everything they had seemed impossibly fragile; their relationship was feeble and insignificant before the great war that threatened to turn it to dust. For the first time in his life, with Lily pressed against his chest, crying silently, Severus considered switching to the Light, before that hug became the last they ever shared – before it was too late.

A handful of tiny lights appeared against the indigo and flew happily around them.

"Lily, look," he said and Lily raised her head.

"Oh, fireflies!"

She was quick to wipe at her wet cheeks and the next second she was playing with the glowing insects. Severus stood watching, but soon Lily had convinced him, despite his protests, to join her in her gracious dance. It was the kind of thing they had not done for years, since they were children, but the innocent laughter that filled the air proved that a trip back to infancy was very welcome.

Severus's idea of abandoning the Dark grew less absurd by the second, as the fireflies made Lily look like a fairy and their light reflected in her eyes, rendering them even shinier and more entrancing than usual.

Naturally, such deliberations would not live through the end of the holidays. At Hogwarts, when they sat at their different House tables, when Potter and his friends hexed Severus and Dumbledore showed disdain for him, when Avery and Mulciber pressured him and turned up their noses at "the Evans Mudblood", then the Dark Arts would be as alluring as ever.

For now, however, Severus would dance with the fireflies.

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_AN: Don't forget to review! :)_


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